[United Stupidity]: August 2009

...is today.
Really.

28th of August 2009.

It will be remembered for all time.
Why?

New member. Ben - Cao Ah Gua (silver)
he's worse than Bugs AND J added together x5...
and that's a lot. trust me.

but before that...

Promotions!! (about time)

I have made a new rank for myself (I Own This Shit)
Sorry. Just had to do it. XD
And we have a new Platinum with Dishonor....

DUMBORTZ!!!!

cheer the jackass. now.
He drove his dad's car out at midnight.
To....Rob a bank? Smuggle guns? Kidnap Bugs for spamming?

...

Nah. To send his friend home.
But...WHO GIVES A SHIT
HE DROVE HIS DAD'S CAR OUT AT MIDNIGHT
HE DESERVES A FUCKIN' MEDAL FOR STUPIDITY XD
and he got caught. that's also why he deserves the promotion.

So reutz...
Why dishonor?
You drove your friend home...
Illegally...Without permission...At night.
AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A RIDE!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH

joking.
but a video of that would be cool.
so what's next?
Reutz, why don't you drive us all to JP this year =D
that would be ownage. And we can blast music freakin loud. He won't mind =p

Ichabot also drives the car. A lot.
But he's allowed to.
Big difference, huh?
And he's already Dishonor. oh well...

ok. back to the story.
This is a minute by minute account of the incident.

-----------------------------------------------------

//Location//
Mrs Tey's House, Jalan Kuning Muda 5, Taman Pelangi. (and 5 mins from fab's house)
//Occasion//
Tuition. Every Saturday.

Zero Hour
00:00
Ben goes to toilet. Nothing seems amiss.
00:02
Weird smell detected by JA. No other signs yet.
00:03
People near the toilet door start holding their noses.
00:04
Whole class is holding their noses. Confusion reigns as they search for the source.
00:05
Source of smell identified. Shouting match ensues between JA and Ben (muffled)
Laughter. Loud laughter.
00:06
MoneySeeker takes air freshener and sprays around the class. Temporary relief.
Laughter gets worse. (Laughing gas?)
00:07
Perfume dissipates. Stench gets worse. Moneyseeker sprays again.
Laughter quietens down (It's not funny anymore, seriously)
00:08
JA takes the air freshener and sprays it at the door edges. Smell now horrifying.
Even the little kid is pinching his nose.
00:09
MoneySeeker evacuates the room. Work has completely stopped by now.
00:10
JA leaves the room and opens the front door for fresh air. The dog starts to bark.
Normal phenomenon. Animals often display unusual behaviour during natural disasters.
00:11
People in living room can detect traces of the odor. More people leave the room.
This includes the little kid and the teacher.
00:12
The room has been evacuated. Students sitting around living room like refugees.
Ben is still talking loudly, unaware that everyone has left. Dog barking now frantic.
00:13
JA opens the kitchen door(connected to toilet)...
And slams it shut. The smell has now reached the solid, tangible stage.
(it has the force to push people back)
00:14
MoneySeeker sprays the room doors with perfume. Actually kinda stupid.
The chemical smell starts to make people cough (but at least it masks the odor)
00:15
Smell finally diffuses to the point of insignificance.
Emergency is declared over. People can now return to their daily lives.

The bottom line?
Do not go near the toilet when Ben has a bad stomachache. For your own good.
Ben gets to Silver as a start, for this gas attack that beats Halodude or Soap FLAT.
Plus he has shown some signs of telepathy too.

But he has a great rivalry with MoneySeeker. Can't blame him.
However, I am Supreme Leader, am I not? I cannot take sides amongst my subjects.
Oh well. Shit happens.

[J0HnA55]

Yeah, you know the movie.
But I'm talking about a real life event...that's so retarded we could make a movie on it too.
Or a novel for that matter.

28 Days Later
-------------
Starring: J0HnA55 (me XD)
Featuring: MoneySeeker
Bugs
Ben (cao ah gua)
extra people

Synopsis
--------
MS has been boasting so much that people say he has no ass, the shit comes out of his mouth.
J0HnA55 attempts to restore his reputation by challenging him to tell the truth and prove it.
MS then bets JA that his phone will be credited RM100 as he has a rich friend who can do shit for free.
JA accepts and says that if he fails, he will owe him the money.
MS accepts the bet! o_O even I wasn't expecting that.

Eventually, JA receives RM 20. I wasn't expecting that either.
Ben complains but JA says what the heck, RM20 is good enough. No need to be such a dick la...
MoneySeeker is on a roll.
He promises JA an iPod. A. Free. iPod.

And thus the saga begins....

Day 1 (Sat): MS calls and says that his richass friend has sent the iPod down from KL.
He meets JA at tuition but says he didn't bring it.
Day 2: JA calls and asks if he can pick it up from MS's house.
He says, "No, I'm busy. Some other time". JA wonders but says ok, next week.

Note: JA stays in Singapore on weekdays for school.

Day 8: JA has flu. Possible H1N1. Doesn't go to tuition.
According to statistics, (of which the reliability I'm not sure)
50% of flu cases in Singapore at a certain time were H1N1.
And my class had 26 cases of flu in 1 week. Let's not talk about the rest of the school.
By the way, at least two people were tested positive though.

Day 9: Tuition is cancelled. JA mutters.
MS declares he likes the iPod and will keep it. A new iPod touch will arrive next week.
That makes two iPods in 2 weeks. Wow. What a richass friend. I'm speechless...err...not.

Day 15: MS doesn't bring it again. JA asks why.
Explanation is very long and detailed, but here's the gist of it.
- MS's parents are unaware of the iPod
- JA cannot collect it as MS's father will be pissed that he goes just to collect a gift (kinda understandable)
- MS cannot bring it just in case his parents see it in his bag (lol?)
He says he has a friend he passed them to, who will drive to the tuition venue and hand them over.
A friend that can drive? How old, I asked? 19, MS says.
For a 19 year old, he sure has a lot of free time..

Not. He doesn't turn up. If he did, JA would have eaten an eraser out of astonishment. (I really thought of it)
MS then declares that he doesn't want the iPod and will give both to JA. He swears JA will get them by the next day.
JA decides to give one to Bugs. (He don't have no iPod either)

Day 16: MS says he will meet JA at Hop Music Studio. He doesn't show up.
MS says he will give it to his "girl" in Woodlands.
He claims he has 21 girlfriends. JA says, bullshit.
So he says he will tell them to sms him that night.
JA's phone remains silent.

BTW. I made a song outta this. (Sung to 21 Guns - Green Day)

One, Twenty One LAN
Ka na sai
Go and die
One, Twenty One LAN
Chao Chee Bye
Girl, my EYE
Don't lie

Poetic, ain't it?
At this point, Ben and the extra people have given up.
I say, give him 28 days. You know I like fancy shit =p
It certainly helps with the posts.

And he says that his friend sent me an acoustic guitar from KL.
Will wonders ever cease?
Next he'll be sending me a car, from the looks of it.

Day 17: After school, JA calls MS.
He says that his girlfriend cannot meet JA that day.
JA is just curious how the meeting will take place.

1)MS gave her my handphone number. He won't give me her number. Why?
"No hanky panky"
You know a spastic dude called Kian Heng? Sound familiar to some of you?
Exact same words. Co-incidence?

Side note, I suan him like siao.

JA:Why don't you give me her number?
MS: No! Later you got hanky panky with her sia...
JA: No way la...she is your girlfriend. She so little taste, why I want?
MS: YOUR ASS LA. SHE IS DAMN CHIO. HER BOOBS 32D LEH!!!!
JA: Wahlao, so small sia. Aiyoyo...
MS: FUCK LA!!! I tell you, you see already, you sure want. She only 14 leh
JA: OMG!!! PEDO!!! PEDO!!!! AAAAAAH
MS: *rage*

2) He gave her my photo. HOW THE-
MS: I took from your facebook.

Ah, that explains matters. I think.
(Hardly. go see my facebook pics for yourself, they won't help much)

3) I asked him, is she really so free?
He says that she was expelled from Fuchun Sec for a ton of offences.

4)Is she really willing to be a...courier?
He says, ya, she will do anything for me.
Wow. I am so "touched"

Day 18: After school, JA goes home. At 4pm, he gets an sms.
MS: Bro urgent call me asap
So he calls MS.

MS: EH, WHERE ARE YOU SIA?
JA: err...home.
MS: MY GIRL WAIT FOR YOU 3 HOURS ALREADY LEH
JA: WHAT THE FUCK?

-silence-

JA:...wait. why the hell didn't you tell me?
MS: my phone no money. I just top up

(woah. so convenient. I bet he waited for the occasion)

JA: Then why didn't she call me?
MS: er.. I told her not to.
JA: why???
MS: I afraid that later you angry
JA:.....
MS: and then you also maybe hanky panky.

-silence-

Day 19: She wasn't free again. Then again, are imaginary people free? I guess not.

Day 20: MS tells me that she will come to Clementi and pass it to me.
At 4pm, I ask, "Where is she?"
He says, oh, she just left Vivo City.
Hmm... If I recall, that will take an hour at the most.

At 6pm, he says, oh, she has reached Clementi. I get ready to go down to meet her.
At 6.10, I have second thoughts and get un-ready. You know what I mean.

At 8pm, I call him.

JA: Hey dude, is your girlfriend injured?
MS: No
JA: Disabled?
MS: No
JA: Stupid?
MS:...No
JA: Then she must be lost. She's taking two hours for a five minute walk.

He declares that she has just gone home.
He says that she had no credit for her phone.
He never thought of calling her until I called him.

Persevere, dear readers. Put up with the utter stupidity until the end of the post.

Day 21: Eh dude, meet my girl at Woodlands ok? 4.30pm.
Not much of a problem, as I leave for JB around that time.
He calls at 4.35 and says that she has just left Vivo City.
I sigh and get on the bus.
He keeps cursing, saying that his girlfriend is useless.

If she is indeed real, then he is a real dick.
She's doing him a freakin' favor.. she has no obligation to run around for him.
But I suppose imaginary people don't really mind.

Day 22(The Final Showdown)
It's Saturday again.
Apparently, she's coming to JB.
During tuition, he announces that she is at KingSurf. (A LAN centre for those of you who don't know)
We can't leave until 5.30. Then it turns out my parents are picking me up.
And then they announce that we are having dinner at Rawa (some place)
It is a two minute walk from KingSurf.

So I call and tell him to get her to go downstairs.
He says that his phone has no money.
I tell him to give me her number.
He says....
"No. Later You Hanky Panky with Her."

At that point, I decided on a course of action.
MS will feel the wrath of A55 if he doesn't get the iPods by the deadline.
Alternatively, MS can admit that he is lying and the bet will be called off and forgotten. Permanently.

"It's real, I swear! You don't believe me?"

However, I continue on happily, as this adventure will provide entertainment for generations to come...

Day 23: I tell MS to send it to Ben's house cuz I was there.
You get the idea.

Day 28: Wow, it's Friday. But the post is 28 days LATER. So see tomorrow.

Day 29 (D-Day): It's here.
And he doesn't bring it.
For the same reasons as before.
I have no need to elaborate further.
He claims to have hidden it under the mat in his car.
Why? I dunno.
But I got picked up before him.
I gave him two more days - a month, for kicks.

Day 30: He doesn't send it to Ben's house again.

Day 31: Not much hope, is there?

Day 32: Today. The day I am writing this. Tuesday. 18/8/09.
Well?
MoneySeeker has refused to back down. He claims the iPods are still real.
As of now, he is exiled until:

1) He produces the iPods, or a warranty card showing that he got a Nokia phone for free from the rich guy

2) He admits he is lying. Simple as that.

To Be Continued...

Some of you studying in Singapore may be taking Literature.
This shit certainly is an example.
Weird topic though.
The song is nice. There was a cool music video on YouTube using the movie Braveheart.
But they removed it. Stupid copyright issues.
They spoil the point of YouTube.

The song “Strength of the World” by Avenged Sevenfold explores the concepts of cause and effect; this single song also possesses a double consequence. The protagonist loses everything that is close to his heart; with the strength of the world behind him, he stands to God and says, “I stand before you, I’ll sin when I have to”. He challenges those who have “taken [his] whole life” but in the end finds himself still alone and now a sinner, a “killer falling from the light”. In his moments of strength, he comes to make himself suffer the greatest punishment.
The song has a long and gentle acoustic introduction; I see this as the cool calm before the storm, a routine life with nothing special to worry about. A minute into the song, the acoustic guitar is accompanied by an electric guitar; we have rising action, drums join in and those drums slowly scale in strength, with the beat accelerating in the crescendo. We hit the first of a double climax as various instruments begin their parts, “my story starts the day they said ‘she can’t be found’”, the drums are on full roll and the lyrics begin to play out. It is interesting to note how poetic the song is; there is a very strong use of alliteration, which enters clear onomatopoeia in the first stanza. The constant repeated “s” sound brings into play the seething anger; the hissing sound may be a representation of the snake-tongued devil that claimed the lives of this man’s family. This part is all about making these outlaws look bad; the music is a rock/metal version or interpretation of the screeching music before a murder scene in classical movies.
The second part (third stanza) shows his developing insanity. The rhythm seems to break here and sharp sounds of “t” (teeth) and “k” (kill) predominate. When before it would seem he had grounds to his rage, his new temper is hellish and out of bounds (“I want it, I need it, revenge is dripping from my teeth”). He alludes to a dog, craving his meal, craving to tear and devour it; he dehumanizes himself to reveal the insanity. He mixes the senses to make the scene extremely perverse (“taste my breath I’m close behind”), calling for them to taste a smell, the smell of someone else’s breath. In the bloodlust, it is instinctively a putrid smell that comes into mind. I always see bloodthirsty eyes connected to this putrid, metallic, and bloody breath smell.
Although the refrain is repeated in between each “part”, I thought it was most significant in between the second and third parts (the fourth stanza). The refrain seems more relaxed and in this placement it transitions absolute insanity to cool determination. The third part (fifth stanza) depicts the “warrior” praying at the tombs of his dead family, reminding himself of his cause in a scene that parallels epic prose. Here we know that he will succeed in getting the outlaws, but is this the best path? Is the death of the outlaws the final consequence? He talks to God, stands up and says that he will sin if he has to, implying that not even God will stand between him and his revenge. I also noticed that he could not “turn his cheek”, meaning that maybe he doubts his actions and in a way sees that the sin of murder will make him just as bad as the outlaws. This reaction is only momentary and he says, “but now I leave your side, to avenge my family’s pride”. This is him talking to God; we know he will kill the outlaws. The next significant part is in the solo, a flurry of electric guitar moving from slow pacing to accelerating urgency. I saw the battle scene here, him catching up to the murderers. At the end, everything goes still and the music is cold; there is no sentiment of joy or success. He realizes that his family is “so far forever” and that even though he kills the killers, he is still alone. “A greater punishment on me has been imposed”, he is left with nothing. The thirst for blood has left him (ambition, a goal), his family is still dead (safety, love), and he believes he has fallen out of God’s favor as “a killer falling from the light” (afterlife, a belief to cling to). He finishes struck by this double consequence by silently admitting “I miss my family, I’ll never be alright” and the music fades away…

ROFL

[J0HnA55]

[United Stupidity]

[Boombox]

29.8.09

Day Of Infamy...

25.8.09

Ode To A Toilet?

16.8.09

28 Days Later

Welcome To The Sidebar

[Bored?]

Retard Awards

[Clan Stats]

[More Stats]

Spambox

[The Retard Chronicles]

Twitizmz

[XtReMe HiTz]

[Movies]

Past Bullshit